A Healing Story (Stories Book 3) Page 12

  After the ride Kathy lets us brush down the horses before leading us across the field to a fence that she says marks off the main pasture.

  There are a few goats roaming around and luckily a cow. “This is Berry,” Kathy gives the cow a good pat. “She’s a sweetheart.”

  Berry seems unenthused but puts up with me petting her and taking a shit ton of photos with her.

  Matthias is more interested in the goats, and while I agree they’re adorable you can see goats at any petting zoo. But a cow. Yeah, I’m going to make him bring me back again.

  The thought makes me freeze and Berry must sense something because she moos, scaring the shit out of me, which cracks Kathy and Matthias up. I flip both of them off then give Berry one last pat.

  “Are y’all ready for the next part?”

  “Yes.” Matthias answers for the both of us.

  I give him a look because no one said anything about more. He just grins at me. Sneaky asshole.

  Kathy rolls out of the barn on a four-wheeler. A trailer hitched behind her. “Hop in,” she says.

  Matthias helps me into the trailer, which is lined with blankets. There's a backpack at the front but otherwise it’s empty save for Matthias and me.

  Kathy drives us down a different trail than the one we took on our ride. Matthias sits close to me. His arm brushes mine and he grabs my hand.

  “Is this okay?” he asks.

  “More than okay.”

  I want to kiss him but I know if I start now I won’t want to stop.

  Kathy stops in a clearing with a stream. “End of the road boys.” She checks her watch. “I’ll be back in an hour or so. Service is pretty good for the middle of nowhere, so if you need anything just give me a call, Matthias has my number and that of the main house.”

  Matthias grabs the backpack and hops out of the trailer before reaching his hand out for mine.

  I let him help me to the ground, too stunned to say or do anything.

  “Enjoy!” Kathy waves and takes off, leaving us alone for the first time.

  “Are you serious right now?” I ask as I watch him shake out a blanket that was folded in the backpack and lay it on the ground.

  “Very.”

  Matthias sits and starts pulling out containers of food and drinks.

  “Oh my God,” I sit on the blanket and stare at the man in amazement.

  “When I called the other day Kathy said they don’t do this often, but they like helping couples romance each other, or something like that.”

  “It’s amazing.”

  He blushes, actually fucking blushes. Then he hands me a package of hand wipes and shrugs. “I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to take you to a nice restaurant because it felt too cliche. But I also don’t know how to date someone. Not just a man, but a person in general. The women I went out with...they were all the same.

  “I knew how to wine and dine them. I didn’t want that with you. So Google and I became best friends and I just happened to stumble over the site for the farm and the rest is history.”

  “It’s perfect. More than I ever thought.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  I lean over and kiss him because I can’t not anymore. Hands tangle in my curls and I moan as Matthias quickly takes over the kiss. I meant for it to be short and sweet, but damn it feels so fucking good.

  He finally pulls away. “We should eat before Kathy comes back.”

  The food isn’t anything fancy, sandwiches with fresh fruit and chips. There’s water and soda as well. It’s simple and absolutely perfect.

  Hanging from some of the trees are lanterns, so as the sun begins to set they flicker on and add to the whole ambiance.

  Matthias repacks the bag and I move closer to him. “Thank you for this. It was...it was everything.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad you had a good time. I didn’t want you to regret saying yes.”

  “No regrets,” I whisper. “Except maybe not doing this sooner.”

  “We weren’t ready.”

  He’s right. We weren’t. But we are now. What does that really mean though? I’m not sure, but with the soft way Matthias is looking at me right now, I can’t wait to find out.

  Neil.

  “I need to pull out of the showing.” I tell Bas, flinging myself on their sofa almost as dramatically as they do.

  “Why? It’s in four days, you can’t just pull out now!”

  “I have to. Be a dear and tell Maribelle for me?”

  “What’s going on, Neil?”

  Bas nudges me over and snuggles into my side. Their fingers find their way into my hair and begin playing with it.

  “I want to invite Matthias.”

  “Okay…”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because my boyfriend is the estranged brother of my boss!” I all but shout. “I can’t invite him because Maribelle doesn’t need that kind of drama and Jamie doesn’t know that his brother is into men.”

  “Good points. But that doesn’t mean you can pull out. That will bring more drama onto Maribelle than anything else.”

  “Fuck, you’re right. I just…” I sigh. “I want to share this part of me with him and I can’t. I didn’t expect this. We became friends because he needed someone to help him. He still needs someone to help him figure things out. Now everything is all complicated and I’m not good with complicated. I just want a relationship where I don’t have to hide myself or my feelings and somehow I end up with the worst person to have that kind of a relationship with.”

  “And people think I’m the dramatic one,” Bas teases. “It’s not the end of the world. I agree that you’re the last person I thought would be in this type of situation, but there’s a compromise here.

  “You have keys to the gallery. You need to be there early anyway to help with setup. Get there extra early, bring Matthias with you and you can kill two birds with one stone. You can share your photos with him and set up your display so when Jamie and Rhys get there you’re free to help them.”

  I groan. “So easy. Thank you. Why am I like this? You’re right, you are the dramatic one. I don’t like how he makes me feel.”

  “That’s a fucking lie,” Bas pulls hard on my hair. “You don’t like feeling so out of control.” They pause, “you know that probably means you feel more for him than you’re willing to admit.”

  I groan again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Pretty much proves my point.”

  “Don’t, just don’t.”

  “Okay, I’ll leave you be, for now. But you know you can always talk to me right? If you need anything.”

  “I know.”

  “How’s Matthias doing with the whole boyfriend thing?”

  I shrug, “we’re taking it one day at a time. I don’t expect him to change over night or anything, but he’s...he’s doing a lot better than he was. There are still moments when he gets lost in his head and I have a mini heart attack. Thinking this is it. He’s going to freak and run away screaming. And then I’ll be all heartbroken and angry that I let myself get swept up in what I knew was a bad idea. But no, so far it’s been good. Really good.”

  “I’m glad. Really and truly. You deserve happiness. Have you slept with him yet?”

  I shake my head, which is kind of hard to do with Bas’s fingers tangled in my hair. “No. He’s not ready. I’m not ready.”

  In truth the closest we’ve gotten to having sex was a mostly unclothed frotting session in my bed the other day. It was good, really fucking good. I almost came in my underwear like a teenager. But after, we just laid together, letting ourselves cool off.

  Sex will change everything between us and I don’t know if I ever want to have it because of that.

  It’s one thing for Matthias to give blow jobs in some bathroom, it’s a whole other thing to be vulnerable and actually have sex with another man. I don’t want to ever find out if that’s the thing that will
push him over the edge.

  Matthias.

  Neil lets me into the gallery through the back door.

  “You look nice,” I say after kissing him.

  “Thank you. Bas picked it out.”

  He’s wearing a light pink button up, dark gray slacks, and dress shoes. His curly hair is tamed and combed back.

  “Maribelle is in her office. We can pop in and say hi to her before I show you around.”

  “Okay.”

  He takes my hand and my heart skips a few beats while my stomach twists at the idea of his sister seeing us.

  I swallow down my discomfort because I can’t do that to Neil. No matter how badly I want to run.

  Neil must notice my hesitation because he goes to drop my hand but I grab onto his tight.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “It’s okay. I understand.”

  “You shouldn’t. It’s okay.”

  He searches my face before nodding. “Let’s go see Maribelle.”

  Neil leads me to the office, he knocks on the door before throwing it open. “What are you doing, sister dear?” he asks as he drags me inside the small room.

  “Trying to chill the fuck out before everyone gets here. Just popped a xanax.”

  “Oh good, then you’ll be ready to meet my boyfriend.”

  I remind myself to breathe as those words leave Neil’s lips. We’ve talked about how we want to move forward after our date. We’ve been spending more time together the past two weeks.

  It’s weird to me still, but I’m trying. For Neil. For myself.

  “Boyfriend? When did that development happen?”

  Neil shrugs, “after he took me on the best date ever. I pet a cow, Mari.”

  “This is another case of you and Bas keeping things from me,” she says, sourly.

  Neil sighs, “we’re not doing this right now. Matthias this is my sister. I’ll introduce you to her properly when she’s in a better mood. We’re going to go set up my display, come find us if you wanna be nice.”

  “I’m sorry, Neil. I’m just stressed. You know what this night means to me. It’s nice to meet you, Matthias. Don’t let my brother give you the wrong impression of me. I’m a joy to be around when I’m not hours away from one of the most important showcases I’ve held.”

  “I understand. I can’t wait to get to know you, properly.” I give her a small smile and allow Neil to pull me from the room.

  “I’m sorry about that. She gets butt hurt when we don’t tell her every detail of our lives. I get it, I do. Because Bas and I do share a lot. But it’s easier to talk to them most of the time. Maribelle can be a bit judgey. Anyway, let’s get some work done.”

  He leads me deeper into the gallery, over to a wall where there are canvases that need to be put up.

  “You took these?”

  “Yeah. Can you just hold them up and let me see what I think? I’ll probably change my mind a bunch of times before it’s right.”

  The next half hour is a lot of me raising photos up so Neil can check their placement, rearranging the order, and then doing it all over again when he decides it doesn’t look right. When he’s finally satisfied we both step back and admire his work.

  “You’re good,” I say as I study the photographs.

  “Thank you. The next time we visit Berry I’ll bring my camera. I was sad I didn’t have it with me, but the ones we took on my phone didn’t come out half bad.”

  I don’t think, I just grab him by the waist and pull him to me. “It makes me ridiculously happy that you loved our date so much you want to go back.”

  “Make no mistake, I want to go for the cow.”

  I laugh, “noted.”

  I kiss him and he melts into me and it’s everything.

  “What do we have here?”

  Neil flies out of my arms and looks to the voice. “Shit,” he says.

  I follow his gaze to find Rhys Manson, my brother’s best friend and all around pain in the ass, standing a few feet away with a guy I’ve never seen before.

  “This is very interesting.” Rhys muses.

  “What are you doing here so early?” Neil asks. “Where’s your other half?”

  “He and Alex are taking River and Alex’s sister to their parents. They had a sleepover at their house last night, now they’re having one at the Brenemans’. They’ll be here soon. I knew Maribelle was stressing about everything being perfect, so we decided to come early. I see that she already has help.”

  Rhys flicks his eyes in my direction and I want to disappear. This cannot be happening.

  “We should go find something else to do,” Rhys’s friend says.

  “In a minute. I have a few things to say to Matthias.”

  “Rhys.”

  “Noah.” Rhys turns to him. “I’ll be nice. Promise.” Rhys looks back at me and says, “I won’t tell. But you have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.”

  I nod, swallowing down my discomfort. “I know. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. I have so much to say to both of you, but now isn’t the time. I...I’m not ready yet. Surely you can understand that?”

  Rhys studies me. “This isn’t a game to you? You’re not just using Neil?”

  I shake my head, “of course not. I’m a lot of things, but I would never do that to him. I...I like him. We...we’re together.”

  Neil moves closer to me but he doesn’t touch me, he gives me the choice and that choice makes me brave enough to grab him and pull him to me. His body thrums with tension but his touch helps ground me.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing and I hate that you caught us because that wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I don’t know what to do here, but I swear to you that I’m not using him. Think of me what you want, but that’s not the person I am. Not anymore.” I take a deep breath. “I’m sure you’re upset, but don’t be mad at Neil. It’s not his fault. He doesn’t know anything. Not yet. I haven’t had the courage to tell him.

  “I know you don’t owe me anything, but for his sake, please, promise me you won’t hold what I did and who I was against him.”

  Rhys softens a little and lets Noah draw him close. “Never. Neil is family. I just want him to be happy. I don’t understand this and I don’t like it, but as long as you’re not hurting him, I’ll let it go for now.”

  “Thank you.” I squeeze Neil close to me before letting him go. “I should leave. I don’t want to be in your way and I shouldn’t be here when…”

  “I’ll walk you out.” Neil holds his hand out for me to take but I can’t this time. He gives me a small, sad smile in understanding and I hate that I do that to him.

  “Thank you for not saying anything,” I tell Rhys. “I don’t know how I’m going to tell him yet but…”

  Rhys nods, “I don’t like you, but I won’t out you. No one deserves that. Just get your shit together. For Neil’s sake.”

  “I’m trying.”

  Neil and I leave Rhys and Noah behind. We’re silent until we’re outside the gallery. “Noah’s good for him. A year ago, hell, six months ago he would have flown off the handle. He’s learning to pick his battles,” Neil says. “He’s still protective as fuck over Jamie, but they’re learning to be independant. I don’t think they’ll ever really be able to change the way they need each other, but Noah and Alex being in their lives has gone a long way to helping them open up.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For being open. For not denying what we are. I know that was hard. I’m proud of you.”

  “I feel like I’m going to be sick but there was no point in trying to hide it. I won’t do that to you. I promised you I would try.”

  “I know. You don’t know how much that means to me.” He steps a bit closer. “Can I kiss you goodbye?”

  I don’t respond except for giving him a chaste kiss. “I need to go. Call me after. Let me know how it goes.”

  “I will.”

  The first
thing I do when I get home is make a drink. I don’t stop drinking for the rest of the night.

  Neil.

  I call Matthias as soon as I get home but he doesn’t answer so I take a shower to wash the gunk out of my hair and try to loosen the tension from my shoulders. Rhys didn’t ask about Matthias all night, which I was thankful for. But he did cast me looks when he thought no one was paying attention.

  The only thing I have going for me is that he’s not a liar. He promised he won’t tell Jamie anything so I trust that he’ll keep his word. Jamie is going to know that something is going on. He’s too attuned to Rhys to not know, but that’s something to worry about another day.

  Right now I’m more concerned about the fact that Matthias isn’t answering his phone. He handled getting caught so easily. I was prepared to get crushed by his denial. That didn’t happen, but now I’m worried that he was in shock and once he was home away from me everything set in and the breakdown I’ve been bracing for since the beginning is finally here.

  I send him a text, telling him to call me and get ready for bed. I’m exhausted but I doubt I’ll be able to get my brain to stop long enough for sleep. Not until I hear from the asshole.

  ***

  “Are you sure it’s smart to just show up here?” Bas asks as they park the car.

  “No, but I have to do something. You don’t have to come up with me if you don’t want to.” I didn’t sleep at all last night, too worried about why Matthias wasn’t answering my calls or texts.

  So, this morning I dragged Bas with me to check on him. I would be worried about being too clingy or something but I have a bad feeling that running into Rhys and Noah last night has undone all of his progress.

  “Fuck that. I am not letting you go up there alone. I don't care if he’s technically your boyfriend or not. You’re worried for him and I’m worried for you.”

  “Okay.”

  We get out of the car and walk up to Matthias’ building. It’s a bit intimidating. All glass and steel, way out of our price ranges. Knowing that Matthias has money and seeing proof of it is jarring.