A Healing Story (Stories Book 3) Read online

  “Are you seeing someone or somthin’?” Maribelle asks.

  “Why would you think that?”

  Maribelle raises an eyebrow, “maybe because you just spent the past ten minutes textin’ with someone who’s not me or Bas, and outside of us, Rhys, and ‘em, you don’t know anyone.”

  I share a look with Bas, unsure about what to say. Bas knows because he’s seen it, but I have no idea how to explain the friendship we have.

  “Oh, I see how it is. It’s one of those things,” Maribelle says stiffly.

  “One of what things?” I cock my head at her.

  “You know, where y’all tell one another everything and leave me out.” She waves her hand. “Whatever, I’m used to it. Y’all keep things from me, that’s fine.”

  “What the hell are you talkin’ about? We’re not hidin’ anything from ya. Bas has just been there when I’ve been talkin’ to this guy.”

  She rolls her eyes. “So you met him when y’all were out trollin’, I get it. Good luck I guess.”

  “We don’t troll for guys. Neither one of us has gotten laid in a long while, thank you very much. And even if that’s what we were doing when we go out, you know for damn sure you wouldn’t wanna be there anyway, so don’t try to get all snippy.”

  Maribelle curls her lip, “how do you even know that Bas hasn’t fucked anyone in a long time?”

  “Um because they woulda told me.” I give her a ‘duh’ look.

  “That’s way too personal.”

  I roll my eyes, “and that’s why we don’t talk to you ‘bout it. You get all judgemental like.”

  “Okay kids,” Bas claps their hands, “as fascinating as watching you two verbally spar is, let’s change topics.”

  “I think I should go home and get some sleep.”

  “You sure? You can stay here.” And like a flip of a switch, Maribelle goes from irritated and jealous to concerned.

  “I’m fine. I’ll talk to y’all tomorrow. Thank you for dinner.”

  “No problem. Get some rest.”

  Bas follows me to the door. “You okay?”

  I shrug, “there’s nothing I can do if he doesn’t tell me anything.”

  “Call me if you need to.”

  “I will.”

  They kiss my cheek before heading back to the living room.

  When I get home I don’t even bother showering, I just strip off my clothes and fall face-first onto the bed. I’m still keyed up over whatever is going on with Matthias, but the exhaustion is still there so it doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep.

  Matthias. Age 15.

  I ring the bell and wait about thirty seconds or so before pressing it again. It takes Mrs. Breneman a few minutes to get the door but that’s how it usually is over here. They don’t have a butler like Mother does, and they have a house full of kids. I can’t imagine how hard it is to concentrate and get anything done. I don’t know why Jameson likes it.

  “Afternoon, Matthias. Here for Jamie?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Come on in.” She steps back and I cautiously walk in the house.

  Somewhere there’s a TV on loud, someone is playing the piano, and someone else is screaming. I cringe and try hard not to cover my ears.

  “The boys are on the deck.”

  I follow Mrs. Breneman through the house to the kitchen where the youngest Breneman kid, Lena? Lindsey? Lola?, some kind of ‘L’ name, is wailing.

  “Lacey!” Mrs. Brenman hollers, “what did you do to her?”

  “I didn’t do nothin’ Mama.” A girl answers back. “I wanted to watch somethin’ else and she got mad.”

  Mrs. Breneman sighs before scooping up the crying child. “We’ll go watch television in my room after Lydia’s done with practicing,” Sse says and instantly the wails stop. Thank fuck.

  Mrs. Breneman crosses the kitchen and opens the sliding glass door, “Jamie, your brother is here.”

  “I don’t wanna leave,” my brother says from outside.

  Making my way to the door, I stick my head outside and find Jameson laying on his back, Alexander Breneman is next to him, they’re touching from head to toe, neither one of them moves.

  “Come on, Jameson. Mother said it’s time to come home.”

  “I wanna stay.”

  “Want to,” I correct. If our mother heard him use improper grammar she would skin him alive. “She was rather insistent,” I tell him.

  Which is code for hurry your ass up before we get in trouble. Mother isn’t a patient person by nature and when she has to hunt my brother down here at the Brenemans’ she’s even less so.

  Not that she does the dirty work herself, she either sends me or Rodney to do it. When I’m the one who has to fetch him we’re on a timer. If we take too long for her standards we both get it. Mother’s reasoning is that if she makes us both suffer the consequences then there’s less chance of a repeat. It’s been like that our whole lives, never mind that I’m five years older than Jameson.

  My brother sighs and gets up, Alexander follows his lead. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lex,” he says solemnly.

  “Bye, James.”

  They hug like they’re going to be parted for more than fourteen hours or so. I roll my eyes, kids are so dramatic. Though I’ll never admit it, the fact that he and Alexander are as close as they have been for the last two years has caused me some jealousy. Mild jealousy. They’re only ten and have only been friends since the Brenmans moved a few years ago, yet they act like they’ve known each other their whole lives. Whereas I don’t even have one friend. Not that I really want to hang out with the kids at school. They’re all stupid. I feel like I’m losing brain cells just taking classes with them. Prestige private school my ass.

  “Thanks, Mama, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jameson smiles up at Mrs. Breneman and she smiles back.

  “Have a good night, Jamie. You too, Matthias.”

  “Sure. Thank you for having him over.”

  Jamie leads the way out of the house, yelling goodbyes to the other Brenemans as we pass the rooms they’re in.

  When we’re a few houses down from the Breneman’s I ask, “why do you call Mrs. Breneman ‘mama’? You’re not related to her. Mother would be pissed if she knew you were so informal with an adult.”

  He shrugs, “she told me to, it feels...right. Besides, it’s nice to pretend.”

  “Pretend what?”

  He stops walking and looks up at me, “to pretend that I have a mother who loves me like in the books and movies. To have a family like other families.”

  I don’t have a response to that. I know exactly what he’s talking about, but I wish I didn’t. Jameson deserves that type of family, we both do. The difference is he’s found his place and I know I probably won’t ever find mine.

  Matthias. Age 34.

  This has bad idea written all over it, but I can’t say I’ve ever made good decisions when it comes to my brother.

  It took less than an hour for the private investigator I hired to find out where Jameson lives. This is something not even Marta knows. She’s too above hiring police wannabes, her words.

  I have a whole file folder full of everything he’s been through since I saw him last. I haven’t read it yet. I want to get the chance for him to tell me. I doubt that will ever happen, but I can’t help the small pieces of me that are wistful.

  My legs shake as I get out of the car. My stomach twists and I have a real fear of throwing up before I even make it to the door.

  I wish I would have brought Neil with me. But I didn’t want to have to explain that, and I don’t want Jameson upset with him. It’s not Neil’s fault he’s friends with a piece of shit like me.

  Jameson’s jeep is in the driveway so I pray that he actually lets me say what I want to without shutting the door in my face.

  Up the porch I go. Taking a deep breath I try to steady my nerves before ringing the bell.

  My heart thumps in my chest and my head swims. I’m proba
bly seconds away from passing out.

  The door opens and I come face to face with Alexander Breneman. My brother’s best friend, and according to the PI, husband.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  His blue and green eyes narrow and I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Is Jameson here? I...I need to talk to him.”

  “What could you possibly say to him that you never have before? Here of all places? Now of all times?”

  “I…” I take a deep breath and steel myself. “I need to—want to—apologize.”

  “For?”

  “For everything. Please, Alexander-”

  “It’s Alex. But you know that. Just like you know that your brother prefers Jamie. And apologize? It’s been over a year since he’s had anything to do with your toxic family. Why are you here now?”

  “Marta doesn’t know I’m here. She doesn’t know anything. I want to apologize, to the both of you. I’m sick and tired of playing the bad guy. That’s not who I want to be. Who I am.”

  “Who are you then?”

  I look him straight in the eye and say, “I don’t know.”

  He regards me for a long moment before stepping back and opening the door wider. “James isn’t here. He’s working. I wouldn’t be doing this if he were here. If I like what you have to say then maybe I’ll tell him you stopped by.”

  Walking into the house I feel like I’m intruding. As Alexander—Alex—leads me through the living room to the kitchen I take in as much as I can.

  Everything is bright and friendly, it has the same lived in feel that Neil’s house does. There are photos everywhere, and a piano sits underneath the front window. There are books and various other things on the coffee and end tables. It feels like a home and it brings tears to my eyes.

  One of my most vivid memories is a young Jameson telling me about wanting a real family. And he’s made one here, with Alex Breneman, the man who’s always been there for him, who caught him when I failed, over and over again. It’s a humbling thing.

  It doesn’t do a damn thing to comfort me.

  We sit at the kitchen table without speaking for a bit. If the air wasn’t so fraught with tension it might actually be nice. Not that Alex and I actually got along before the whole breaking his wrist like the dick I am thing, but I’m so fucking starved for human connection I would have enjoyed this.

  “Now would be the best time to explain.”

  Taking a deep breath I focus on anything but Alex’s hard stare. “I don’t even know where to begin. I know sorry will never take back what I did. But I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. At the time that was the goal. I won’t try to make excuses for that. I was—am—a huge dick.

  “I was upset, Marta just told us...well, I’m sure Jameson-”

  “Jamie,” Alex stresses. “If you really want to prove that you’re a changed person or whatever you can at least give him the respect he deserves and call him by his fucking name.”

  I nod. “Jamie. I’m sure he told you what Marta did to us.”

  “You mean send y’all to fucking conversion therapy with that fucking wacko? Yeah. We talked.”

  I nod again, “right. She sent Jamie and Vincent ahead of me to prepare the cabin. When she told me that I was upset and Jamie wasn’t around, I took it out on you and I am so fucking sorry I did that. I...you were there growing up. You know what she was like.

  “How she punished the both of us even if neither one of us did anything really wrong. She’s a controlling bitch and unlike my brother, I was never strong enough to get away from that.”

  “Your actions changed my entire life. Do I wish I didn’t have the continued problems I do with my wrist and hand? Of course I do. I’ll never be able to play like I used to, but the path I took to get here wasn’t a bad one. I can’t forgive you, but I won’t hate you for it.”

  Blowing out a breath I sag a bit in relief. That’s all I can ask of him. It’s a weight off my shoulders. “I didn’t come here for forgiveness. I just wanted you and Jamie to know that I regret everything.

  “I...I’ve been working through some things. I’ve met someone. A new friend, who I’ve talked to. He doesn’t know specifics, but he knows enough to want to help me. He’s very encouraging and has been pushing me to reach out.

  “I’m not doing this for him. But without him I don’t think I would be sitting here right now. I’m not brave, but I want to be. For him, so he can see that I’m not a lost cause. For myself. For Jamie.”

  “That’s good.” Alex’s voice is rough.

  I am scared to look at him because I don’t want to see what kind of emotion lives in his eyes. I don’t deserve any kind of pity or sympathy from him.

  “It’s only been a month or so since we’ve been friends. Not counting the month I ghosted him because I’m a chicken shit. I’ve been struggling the past few years, more than I ever had.” I lick my dry lips. “I knew Jamie was coming to the end of his rope with our parents and it sent me into a tailspin. I’m not a good person. An even worse brother. I know that. But Jamie was the only one I had.”

  “You spent your life making him as miserable as you.”

  “I know. And that’s something I’ll have to live with because my brother hates me and I don’t deserve his forgiveness.”

  We’re silent for a long time after that. There’s nothing more I can say. Not without diving into things I’m nowhere near ready to admit.

  “If you ever hope to get James to even look at you, you’ll need Rhys on your side.”

  I look up at Alex in surprise.

  “I’m going to get shit for my entire life because of this but I’m willing to let you try. If you swear that you’ll never hurt him ever again. If you can’t keep that promise, if you ever think about saying something that will come across even remotely negative then you need to walk away. Even if it’s only for an hour and then you revisit the conversation.

  “James has been through enough thanks to you. You won’t get a third chance.”

  “I understand. I’ll try my best. I can’t change my behavior overnight but I don’t want to fuck this up either.”

  “Good. Then find a way to get Rhys to talk to you. Above everyone, myself included, James listens to him. He’s the one you need in your corner.”

  Well fuck. Rhys Manson hates me more than the guy I physically hurt. Just because Jameson—Jamie—does.

  “Thank you, Alex, for hearing me out.”

  “You’re welcome. Don’t make me regret it.”

  Neil.

  “Kelly, did you bring your lunch or not?”

  “Not today. I finally listened to you guys.” She blushes.

  “Great, come with me then.” I lock my computer and grab my keys.

  “Where are we going?”

  “It’s my turn to buy lunch and I don’t know what you like so you’re coming with me.” I explain, leading the way out of the studio and to my car.

  “Shouldn’t we tell someone we’re leaving?”

  “Nah, they’ll know. Besides, River heard us before we left, so if they ask she can tell them.”

  She looks dubious, but I don’t blame her, I don’t think River’s spoken in front of her the whole month she’s been here.

  Our usual sandwich shop is packed so we lean against the wall waiting for our turn at the counter.

  “So how long have you worked at Snapshot?”

  “Since it opened. But I’ve been Rhys’s assistant since I was eighteen.”

  “Really?”

  I nod, “he and Jamie went to school with my sister. When they found out I was going to school for the same thing they took me under their wing.”

  “You’re lucky. I would have killed for that kind of opportunity. The places I interned for weren’t the right fit for me.”

  “I understand that. There’s a reason Rhys went into business for himself right after graduation.”

  “He’s lucky he was able to do that.”

  There’s a hint
of bitterness in her tone but I let it go as it’s our turn to order. I agree with her that not many people can afford to build their own place from the ground up right after school, but Rhys is a determined fucker and there wasn’t any way he wasn’t going to accomplish what he wanted.

  When we get back to the studio everyone is already waiting for us. “Took y’all long enough,” Rhys gripes.

  “There was a line.” I reply, passing him his sandwich.

  We quickly distribute everyone’s food, Kelly only lets a little of her surprise show when I pass River the salad. I grin at her, “I know, I know, a kid who actually eats vegetables. Riv doesn’t like bread.”

  Kelly blinks. “How do you not like bread? It’s the best carb there is. Outside of pasta of course.”

  Rhys, Noah, and Jamie all share a look and I know that means River’s aversion is more serious than I ever contemplated. When Noah shared that tidbit with me when they first started here last year I didn’t question it, everyone has their preferences. Now it’s clear there’s more to it and of course it’s something Noah needed to share with Rhys, and if Rhys knows something Jamie does as well. Those two are almost one person sometimes.

  “I’m sorry,” Kelly says after an awkward moment. “It’s none of my business. I don’t mean to be so nosy.”

  “It’s fine,” Rhys waves his hand, brushing her off and digs into his sandwich.

  The rest of us follow suit, the only indicator that things aren’t fine is River plastering herself to Noah’s side. Even when Jamie, Rhys, and I were strangers she didn’t feel as anxious around us as she does Kelly. I know she likes her, Kelly wouldn’t still be here if River wasn’t comfortable with her presence, but she’s not trusting of strangers, especially women. In her experience it’s always the women that end up leaving her.

  “Before I forget, Alex wants both you and Kelly to come to dinner tomorrow night.” Jamie says, “I know you usually go out with Bas on the weekends, they can come too. Lex won’t mind, they don’t know much about one another so it’ll be great and he can meet Kelly at the same time.”