A Healing Story (Stories Book 3) Read online

  Matthias: I hate my job. Meet for a drink?

  Neil: Sorry, I have plans with my siblings. Raincheck?

  Matthias: Okay. Enjoy your night.

  Neil: You can come over if you want? They won’t mind. There’ll be plenty of alcohol.

  Matthias: No, thank you. I’ll talk to you later this week.

  Neil: Are you sure?

  Matthias: Enjoy your night, Neil.

  I frown at my phone but don’t push the issue. I don’t want him to shut down again, not after we made some progress the other day.

  “We’re taking off,” Noah says, River’s bag in hand.

  “See y’all tomorrow.” I wave to them and turn back to my phone. I don’t want to end our conversation, not when it’s obvious he needs someone. I have a feeling that there aren’t a lot of people he trusts, I don’t want to push him away when he’s hurting.

  Neil: Call me. Anytime.

  He doesn’t respond but then I didn’t really expect him to. I finish my closing up duties and then leave.

  When I get home I change into my Smurfette sleep pants that Bas got me last Christmas and order the pizza. Hopefully one of my siblings brings alcohol because I forgot to get some when I was out yesterday.

  Maribelle is the first to show up, but that’s not a surprise. Rhys and Bas get along too well sometimes. It’s a good thing Jamie knows how to handle both of them otherwise nothing would ever get done.

  The pizza comes before Bas does and Maribelle and I don’t wait. The two of us shouldn’t be subjugated to cold pizza just because Bas took their sweet ass time.

  “Sorry I’m late,” they say when they finally walk through the door.

  “You’re lucky we saved you some food,” Maribelle replies.

  “I brought vodka,” they singsong.

  “You’re forgiven,” I say, getting up to find a chaser.

  “No cups?” Maribelle raises an eyebrow when I come back with half a bottle of raspberry lemonade in my hand.

  “Are you scared of our cooties?” Bas teases.

  “Piss off and hand over the booze.”

  “Someone’s testy.” I set the juice on the coffee table and watch as she takes a shot of vodka straight from the bottle.

  “Yeah, well, not all of us have cushy jobs where all we have to do is kiss rich people’s asses and tell them why they can’t spend their money on pink elephants.”

  Bas and I exchange a look, “everything okay with the gallery?”

  Maribelle sighs and throws her head against the back of the recliner, “yeah, just stressed. You know how I have that show coming up in November?”

  “Yeah, Rhys and Jamie have been preparing photos for you.”

  “Some important investors will be there and I’m worried that they’ll see that I’m not worth their money.”

  “Oh Mari,” I move to kneel on the floor in front of her. “You built a great place, all of the shows you host are a success, you’re doing amazing. I know it’s scary but you can’t let that bring you down.”

  She gives me a small smile, “I know. Thanks.” She hesitates and then her eyes light up, “what if you were part of the show?”

  “What?” I shake my head, “I haven’t done anything like that since college.”

  “Please,” she pleads. “You can’t tell me you don’t still go out most weekends and photograph things. You might not carry your camera every minute like Jamie and Rhys but there was a reason you went to school for it.

  “Please. I know you’re going to be there because it’s your job. You’ve been Rhys Manson’s bitch boy since you were eighteen, but you’re so much more than that and I need you. Please.”

  I sit back and think about it. Yeah, I love being behind the camera, I love creating art, and as Matthias put it at brunch, showing people how I see the world. But I like my job as Rhys’s assistant because I’ve always been so much more than that to him.

  I love photography, but it’s not everything to me like it is for Jamie and Rhys, I can’t remember the last time I saw either of them without a camera in their hands.

  I’ve been to almost all the showings that Maribelle has hosted since opening the gallery, but I’ve never been one of the artists on display. Despite what I lead people to believe I don’t like attention. Working for a drama queen like Rhys is perfect for me because everyone is always focused on him.

  Looking up into my sister’s drawn face I know that I need to do this for her, not me. I take a breath and nod, “okay, I’ll do the show.”

  “Thank you.” She gives me a relieved smile.

  I grab the bottle of vodka out of her hand and move back to the sofa. I take a swig and pass it to Bas.

  The three of us sit and drink the rest of the night, and even though I’m relaxed and enjoying time with my siblings, the back of my mind is occupied with worry for Matthias.

  Matthias.

  “I don’t have time for this, Mother.” I try not to let my annoyance bleed into my tone, which will only keep her on the phone longer.

  “I’m not asking for much, Matthias.” No, you’re only asking for everything.

  “Jameson made it perfectly clear last year that he would like to be left alone. I think it’s only fair for us to respect his wishes after everything.”

  “After everything,” she parrots, a hard edge to her voice. Shit. “After everything I gave to him, this is how he thanks me? I expect you to do as I ask of you. Your brother might be willing to throw my generosity in my face, but that does not mean you have to follow in his footsteps. You are the example here, Matthias. It’s time for you to remind him of his place.”

  I take a few deep breaths, though they’re anything but cleansing. “He’s an adult, it’s his choice to live his life as he wishes.”

  Silence. For the first time in thirty-four years, I refuse to jump when she says so. It’s freeing and scary at the same time.

  “I see. So you’re what? Going to turn your back on your family as well? Make a mockery of us?”

  This woman. This woman will drive me to an early grave. I don’t understand how my father could still be married to her after close to forty years. He’s not a saint, but he sure as hell is nothing like her.

  “Just because I refuse to go against my brother’s wishes does not mean that I am turning my back on family. I know better.” The words make me sick.

  “I should hope so. I put a lot of time and money into making sure my sons were well-bred, it’s bad enough one of them insists on being disgraceful.”

  I have to hold back my snort. Marta Harthorn acts like saying the word gay would make her burst into flames or something. Hell, I almost wish she’d test that theory.

  “I’m sorry, Mother,” I interrupt before she can go on. “I have a meeting I need to prepare for. I will speak with you later.”

  “Make sure you go speak to your brother.” Like hell I am. I think as I hang up and toss my phone onto my desk.

  I shut down my computer because despite what I told her there’s nothing that can’t be dealt with tomorrow. As I gather my things I consider texting Neil, but that didn’t really work in my favor last night. It’s probably best if I don’t bring him into this anyway. I need a drink and a distraction, not more confusion.

  ***

  I’m a fucking masochist. There are plenty of strictly “straight” bars in the city, but somehow I find myself in one of the more friendly ones. Specifically, the one I met Neil at.

  I restocked my supply the other week, but I don’t want the illusion of drinking alone today. I quickly throw back the shots the bartender sets down for me before taking a healthy swallow of my drink.

  “Well, aren’t you lovely,” someone purrs in my ear.

  Turning on the stool I stare at the person next to me. Bright blue eyes meet mine beneath long lashes and shimmery eyeshadow. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen a guy in makeup since I started coming here, but it’s the first time I’ve been faced with someone more...exuberant up close.
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  “Excuse me?”

  “You’re a lovely little thing, I see why my brother is interested.”

  “Who are you?”

  He holds out his hand, “Bas Richardson.”

  “Matthias Harthorn.” I take his hand.

  His eyes light up, “Harthorn? Are you related to Jameson?”

  “Yes,” I barely manage to say the word.

  What are the odds that this man is not only Neil’s brother but knows Jameson as well? Though I guess that’s what happens when you visit one of the only gay-friendly bars in the area. It’s not a strictly gay bar, though there are some of those around, I’m not brave enough for one of those.

  Bas removes his hand from mine and takes a drink, his red-painted lips wrap suggestively around his straw.

  “So why are you drinking alone, Matthias?”

  I take a hefty swallow of my Jack and Coke, “just needed to get out. Why does anyone drink alone?”

  He shrugs, “boredom, depression, alcoholism, take your pick. I was out with some work friends but you’re far more interesting.”

  “Why?”

  “Because my brother is breaking his rules by befriending you.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” I snap defensively.

  Bas smiles, “it’s exactly what I said. There’s something about you that makes my brother worry. He sees something worth saving in you. And being the good older sibling I am, I’m over here making sure you’re worth his time.”

  I don’t know how to respond to that, but thankfully I don’t have to.

  “What do you think you’re doing oh great sibling of mine?” Neil asks as he slides between us.

  “Just getting to know your new friend.” Bas grins at Neil.

  “Shoo,” Neil says, “go cause trouble somewhere else, I got this now.” He leans forward and lowers his voice though I can hear him thank Bas.

  “It was a pleasure, Matthias. I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.” Bas slides off his stool. “I’ll text you later,” he tells Neil before walking back to a table on the other side of the bar where a trio of women sit.

  Neil sits on the stool Bas vacated and turns to me. “I’m sorry, Bas doesn’t know how to be subtle. Though I’m glad they texted me since it appears you didn’t.”

  “I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “I told you to call me when you need to, at any time,” he says softly. “If you would have taken me up on my offer last night you would have met Bas when they were more subdued. They like to play the part for their co-workers, though it gets them in trouble more often than not.”

  “Can I ask a question?”

  He smiles, “you want to know why I keep using ‘they’ in reference to Bas?”

  I nod.

  “Here’s your second queer lesson: Bas is nonbinary. Meaning they don’t see themselves as either male or female and prefer they/them pronouns.” He shrugs, “Bas likes makeup and pretty things, but they also like sweat pants and work boots. It just depends on their mood.”

  I let this new information sink in. I’ve heard the term before but never thought about what it meant. Of course, I knew that not everyone was happy with being who they were born as. I’m not a complete idiot, I see what’s going on with the whole bathroom debate thing. But I chose to ignore what it meant to the people living it. I choose to ignore a lot of things.

  Neil.

  When Bas texted me earlier saying my new friend was drowning his sorrows in whiskey I didn’t even think before stuffing my feet in my shoes and heading to the bar.

  Looking into his eyes I can see why they texted me. He’s more worn down than the other times I’ve seen him. There are dark circles under his eyes, prominent enough that I know he hasn’t slept well in a few days.

  His hair is a mess, blue eyes dark and dull.

  “You didn’t have to come.”

  “Yes I did. I said I would help you in any way I can.”

  “That doesn’t mean you have to deal with me when I have a bad day.”

  “It’s not just a bad day though, is it?” I say softly. “You asked me to hang out last night. Why couldn’t you do the same tonight?”

  He sighs, “because you have a life outside of babysitting me.”

  “I thought we were friends, aren’t we? And you agreed to try not to be a dick. Pushing me away is pretty dickish.”

  “You don’t need to deal with my family drama.”

  Ahh, I see. “It’s Jamie’s birthday today. He and Alex are celebrating with their family...and you wish you were a part of that.”

  He swallows, “my mother wants me to call him. To ruin his perfectly created life and drag him back into our fucking homophobic web. He doesn’t deserve that. I might not have always seen eye to eye with my brother but I want what’s best for him. Just because I hate myself doesn’t mean that he has to.”

  “Have you tried reaching out? Not for your mother...but for you? You want to repair your relationship, this is a start. A simple happy birthday text, no more no less, it will go a long way to letting him know he’s on your mind.”

  “I told you already that he’s blocked me.”

  “Send him an email then. Hell send him a card, you know the studio’s address.”

  He slams back the rest of his drink and signals the bartender for another. “If it were that easy I would have done it a long fucking time ago.”

  I don’t flinch at his harsh tone. I understand where he’s coming from, to a point. “Don’t you think that’s a little self-sabotaging? How can you better yourself if the only thing you do is feel sorry for yourself?”

  He throws back half of his fresh drink and slams the glass back on the bar. “If you’re just going to criticize me you can leave.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m not good at family things. Foster kid and all. Bas and our sister, Maribelle, are the only family I have and we all come from the same stock so we understand each other.

  “Your family might not be what it should have been but you had Jamie by your side, always. You’re the one who fucked it up, which means you’re the only one who can fix it.”

  He doesn’t say anything for a long while, just fiddles with his glass.

  “I failed him. I didn’t see it at the time because I was too worried about myself, but over the last few years it’s hit me. I failed my brother yet he was still brave enough to go after what he wanted. And me? I tried my best to tear him down again and again and again. All because I was jealous that he could suck cock without caring what it would do to his reputation.”

  He finishes his drink and slides the glass across the bar.

  “Another?” The bartender asks.

  Matthias hesitates, glancing at me before shaking his head.

  “I’m not going to keep hounding you with the same thing. You know how I feel and what happens next is up to you.” I tell him.

  “Why are you so nice to me?”

  “I don’t know, honestly. I know you’re hurting and want to help you. I know that when you’re not being an asshole I like talking to you. No one but my siblings know that I’m talking to you. I didn’t even tell them your name.”

  “Bas knows I’m Jameson’s brother.”

  “They won’t say anything to him. What happens between you and me is our business, not anyone else’s.”

  “I don’t know what you want from me. No one is this nice, but I’m not going to throw this chance away. I told you I’d try and I will. I’ll probably fuck up more times than not. I’ll hurt you. You’ve been honest about how much that prospect scares you, and I’m buzzed enough to be candid with you about how utterly vicious I can be when I want to push you away. I am my mother’s child.”

  His blue eyes bore into mine, daring me to walk away. I should. I know I should. This is going to end in nothing but heartache. I might not know him well enough to care, yet, but I want to.

  I want to be his friend. I want to save him from himself and I’m stupid enough to let him suck me in. Even if
I have no plans of letting him become more than a friend, that doesn’t mean my heart won’t become attached.

  Despite the airs I put up for my friends there is more substance to me than I let on. Jamie might hate when I try too hard, but it’s the only thing I know after a lifetime of wanting to fit in.

  It’s one reason why I’m so determined to be Matthias’ friend. Our situations might be vastly different, but he’s only trying to find where he belongs. And it’s tearing him up inside.

  “Come home with me.”

  “I don’t do repeats,” he says.

  “I don’t want that. But you don’t need to be alone.”

  “I should have had another drink.”

  “Bas brought over alcohol yesterday. We didn’t finish it. Come on.” I slide off the stool and wait for him to decide.

  It only takes him seconds to make up his mind. “I’ll follow you.”

  *

  I go straight for the freezer and grab the vodka. Matthias follows close behind, he doesn’t say anything as I take a swig from the bottle before passing it over.

  “I’m no longer sixteen, drinking like this isn’t my style,” he says right before knocking a shot back.

  “I’m a classy bitch.”

  He laughs, it’s carefree and I immediately want to hear it again.

  Time passes as we pass the bottle back and forth without saying anything. It’s nice, just being with him. I didn’t exactly plan this out when I asked him to come home with me, so I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m not Bas, I’m not impulsive, but everything that has to do with Matthias makes me want to jump headfirst into this. Whatever this is.

  We’re almost done with the alcohol when I break the silence. “The guest bed doesn’t have sheets, but I can find you some.”

  “I can sleep on the sofa, or call a car. You don’t have to go out of your way for me.”

  “I don’t mind. I would prefer if you stay, please.”